


How to be a Jealous Flatmate: a Guide by Doctor John Hamish Watson

by orphan_account



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-29
Updated: 2013-08-29
Packaged: 2017-12-24 23:53:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/946187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I wanted to write a Journal Fic in which Sherlock is going on several dates with several different women for an experiment and John is becoming increasingly more jealous of each one</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. July 16th

**Author's Note:**

> There is some french speaking near the end and be warned I used google translate so if you speak French some of it might sound weird.

I woke up today to complete silence. There was no sound of feet pacing downstairs, no sound of a squeaking violin, and no smell as if something was burning. It was silent. When I went downstairs to get a cup of tea, I couldn’t find Sherlock anywhere. He usually wakes me up if he’s got a case or texts me if he’s at St. Barts but he didn’t wake me up and my phone had no messages. Although while looking for Sherlock, I found a note he had left on a sticky note. I never thought i’d read what i saw written on it either. It said

On a date. Don’t call or text.  
-SH  
I had to read it a few times over to make sure I was reading it correctly. A date? Sherlock? Sherlock on a date? It seemed completely unrealistic. Anyway, who goes out on a date at 11 in the morning? Did he go for breakfast? It’s a bit late for breakfast so how long has he been gone? Did he go on a breakfast date and actually eat? Who is he with? Is he having a good time? Why am I concerning myself with this and why am I writing it in this stupid journal Ella got me?

 

.......

Alright, the prat just got home an hour ago and he walked in like nothing is happening and he just sits in his chair with his laptop without saying a damn word. I eventually asked him how his date was and he replied “tedious. I didn’t want to go.” so I simply asked “then why did you?” and Sherlock, that stupid arse goes on about how flirting can work differently on different people and he wants to see what gets him the farthest in a date and that he’ll be going on several dates for the next few weeks as an experiment.  
“Do the people you’re going on dates with know about this?” I asked and he says  
“Of course not. John, that could affect the results.”  
He has a dinner date tomorrow with a girl named Amber. How is he even getting these women to agree to go out with him, I don’t get it?


	2. July 17th

He left an hour ago. He was wearing what he usually wears and as he left I could practically hear his shirt buttons screaming for help. I should take him shopping for shirts that don’t look like they’re tattooed onto his body. I have to laugh because I can just imagine Sherlock listening to this girl talk. Oh god. His face is probably priceless. I can already tell this experiment won’t last very long. Sherlock will eventually get sick of hearing these people talk about their lives which, compared to ours, is probably incredibly dull for him to listen to. I found out he met all these woman on an internet dating site. He made a profile and everything but he completely lied on his bio. “I’m Sherlock Holmes, I am a consulting detective, I enjoy football, cuddling, and i’m looking for a special person”  
It makes me laugh actually. I’ve never seen such a sappy profile. Sherlock hates football. He hates sports in general. I can’t even imagine him liking cuddling. The whole thought of him cuddling with someone on the sofa and kissing them makes me cringe.


	3. July 19th

He has another date tonight. A girl named Rosaline. The same girl he had breakfast with a few days ago. They’re going out to the pub now. Sherlock won’t even let me see the data he’s collecting but he says he’s testing several things on different people. Hand holding, kissing, etc. And yes I did say kissing. Apparently he kissed Rosaline when they were at breakfast. I can’t even imagine that. Sherlock kissing a woman. Her hands tangled in his curls, his hands on her hips pulling her closer. His tongue in her mouth. Him panting when they part. Her making him pant. Or maybe even moan. She got to hear Sherlock moan.   
Wait. Why am I even thinking about this? I’m not gay.  
.......

She’s here. Sherlock brought her home. It’s past midnight and the only reason I know he brought her home is because I could hear her giggling. He was laughing too. And I heard them go into Sherlock’s room and I don’t even want to know what they’re doing. Oh god. Nevermind. I know now. I know what sex sounds like. Jesus christ it’s only their second date and Sherlock is already having sex with her. Second date and she’s already straddling his hips. Second date and she’s probably biting at his neck and he’s probably moaning. Her making him moan under her mouth. Oh god why am I thinking about this?


	4. july 20th

He didn’t say anything about his date this morning but my god was he happy. I’d never seen him so...elated! It makes me curious. Is this woman really that amazing? She must be. She made him the happiest i’ve ever seen him. Is it because of the sex? That’s not fair. The only way to get him so likable is to let him grip your hips and fuck you? What the hell was she doing to him last night anyway? I could hear him all the way upstairs and god. That man should not make those noises with that voice. I could see a hickey on his neck too. She bit and sucked at that long neck. I don’t even care what i’m saying anymore. I want to be the one to mark him and make him make those noises. Jesus christ i’ll have to burn this journal.


	5. July 25th-26th

July 25

it’s only been 5 days and he’s already went on eight dates and brought 3 of them home and tonight he’s going to Rosaline’s house. He likes her. I can tell. She is probably smart and interesting and beautiful. I need sleep, i’ve got work in the morning and It’s already past eleven at night.  
.....

July 26

He came home at noon and he took a shower and left again for another date. He didn’t so much as say a word to me. Although tonight his date’s name is Victor. It’s a guy? I’m interested to see how far this one goes. I swear to god though if Sherlock brings him home I might just scream. I can’t stand hearing that moaning anymore it’s driving me mad. I want to be the one to make him moan. I want to make him scream my name, I want to feel him tremble under my skin, I want to to lick the sweat off his neck. God help me if he ever finds this journal.


	6. jealous flatmate syndrome

When John got home from work the following day, he didn’t expect to find Sherlock sitting in his chair, reading a book. He expected him to be out on another date. But when John saw what Sherlock was reading, he almost jumped out of his skin and ran away. He was reading John’s journal.   
“Sherlock, what the hell” John said trying to cover up his complete embarrassment. Sherlock looked over the book and at John  
“my my my John you never told me you were jealous of my dates” he smiled  
“what? i’m not jealous!”   
Sherlock threw the book onto the coffee table and gave a small laugh. “it might as well be called ‘How to be a jealous flatmate: a guide by Dr. John Hamish Watson. You should publish it. We’d make millions.” he joked  
John didn’t laugh. “how much did you read?”   
Sherlock’s smile faded and he stood from where he sat in his chair, not moving his gaze on John.   
“all of it” he said  
oh god John thought  
“but John, i’m quite disappointed in you.”  
John gave him a confused look “disappointed?”  
Sherlock nodded and said “yes. Because you failed to notice the experiment.”  
Okay now John was really confused. What the hell was this man talking about? “what are you talking about? That’s all I talk about in that bloody th-”   
“No....” Sherlock cut him off. “I mean the real experiment. The experiment on you.”   
John’s brain was a mess. What did he mean the real experiment? What was the experiment on him? What the fuck was he getting at?   
“what?” was all John could manage to get out of his mouth  
Sherlock grinned “A few weeks ago, I had mentioned that my brother wanted to set me up with Anthea for a get together at my mum’s house. When I mentioned that Anthea and I had to act like a couple and possibly share a room for a night, your whole body language changed. You grew red in the face and I swear, John, if our life was a cartoon, I would have been able to see the smoke streaming from your ears. Anyway I noticed this and concluded it was jealousy. Although, I couldn’t be positive as I knew you would not let me interview you about your feelings toward me and I knew even if you did agree and you had feelings for me, you wouldn’t be honest with the answers. So I decided to do an experiment. Tell you that I was going to be trying different things with different people and then observe your behavioural patterns from there. Now I wasn’t getting much from you because you were locked up in your room but now that I see you’ve written everything in your journal, my job here is done.”  
John was speechless. He had several things going through his head. Like, YOU FUCKER I’M GOING TO STRANGLE YOU and oh fuck ohhh shit fuckfuckfuckfuck  
John swallowed hard “Sherlock, you can’t just go through someone’s journal. It’s private.”  
“How could I ignore it when you just left it on the table John. If it’s so private why would you leave it out in the open?”  
John couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Wait. If the flirting thing was so fake, then why did I hear you having sex a few nights ago? And you have a fucking hickey.”  
Sherlock scoffed “Honestly John? It’s not that hard to pay someone to jump on a bed with you and make realistic sex noises. And you fucking idiot that’s not a hickey it’s a little something called makeup to try to fool you. Do keep up”  
“B...but what about the dates? I saw you go out the bloody front door”  
Sherlock let out a long, exaggerated sigh to this “Once again with the stupid questions. It’s not that hard to say you’re going somewhere and go somewhere else, John. You thought I was going on dates but I was actually helping Lestrade with a case. That way I could do the experiment on you and do my consulting at the same time. Two birds with one stone.”  
John fell silent. Unable to form words. He was stuck between stomping away to his room, and punching Sherlock in the jaw.  
“Oh and John.” Sherlock said, picking the journal up. “this journal is from France”  
“y...yes” John failed to see how that was relevant  
“vous ne m'aviez pas dit que vous avez été en France.” the words rolled off Sherlock’s tongue without effort.   
John’s eyes widened. That voice should not speak french EVER.   
“what?” he asked  
“vous comprenez ce que je dis”   
John shut his eyes and swallowed. “I have never been to France. Ella got me that journal while she was on a holiday. But yes I speak a little bit of french”  
When John opened his eyes, Sherlock was now closer and he had a stupid grin on his face.  
“Dis-moi, John que feriez-vous si je vous embrasse en ce moment?” John smiled. at this.   
“would you like to find out?” he teased. With that, Sherlock leaned down and pressed a chaste kiss to the other man’s lips. When they parted John smiled wide and simply said “vous êtes un âne”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> vous ne m'aviez pas dit que vous avez été en France- you never told me you have been to France  
> vous comprenez ce que je dis- You understand what i'm sayng  
> Dis-moi, John que feriez-vous si je vous embrasse en ce moment?- Tell me, John what would you say if i were to kiss you now?  
> vous êtes un âne- you're an ass


End file.
